Bonjour mes amies!

 

So having bought these god forsaken tickets for - 'art rocker indie group we are scientists'- the guardian's words, not mine lol, obviously i was about to embark on my 2nd indie gig. And it was all good, we started off in a brixton pub yeh, where i was very happy to recognise artic monkeys in the background lol in fact i realised that i knew the words to almost all of the album so i really should go and see them as well, this being my main basis for liking white bwy indie music at all lol. The irony of the oub being filled to the brim with trendy types and i get churpsed by the jamaican drug dealer/ alky/ resident character lol my jeans were obviously not skinny enough lol. I looked high and low for the ultimate skinny fit and finally while depressed, headed to TopShop and hallelujahed in the changing room as i found the perfect fit. Or so i thought. I must have lost weight or summat cos on the way to the gig, my jeans were definitely sliding off- thank god i had a long coat on! I went for full on trendy- ' fro n all lol laura saying that i looked like a pop star lol all that is missing is the money innit.....

 

So into the academy. Lots of fit men lol but yes the gig, well it started with Phil Collin's song- errrr i don't know it but it goes 'take a look at me now, etc etc'. The music was even better on than on the album, but i don't know what it was with the crowd, they did get into it but not as quickly as i did or as much as i expected. Highlights of the eve included worth the wait- naturellement as its one of my faves, the great escape- ppl were definitely feeling that tune and this scene is dead- lots of energy and i did see several feet in the air lol. but the highlight has to be the last song- they performed boyz to men's end of the road and they sang it amazingly, like proper ballad style, twas amazing. and they brougt on the editors as well at the end to sing with them. i have pics but they are blurry; will put up 10 weeks later of course .

 

reet would love to tell you about back to 95 but basically it was very good, very expensive lol so good to know that the state's money is financing me getting drunk in ministry lol- 'avvvvvvv ittttttttttttttttt!

 

be back with some more coherent meanderings soon belli genti oh yeh i met this italian guy ricardo randomly in ministry yeh, he thought i was beautiful lol and so decided to harass, well stalk really for a gd part of the eve lol but we did talk about bella roma and i forgot my small amount of italian due to be distracted by the thumping house beats... lol

I have passed my masters. I want to cry.

Hello all! I write this after the mother of all family birthday weekends- my sister's 13th on sat, i was asked to play the music and got a few faces when i played some bashment, i forgot that lyrics that are undecipherable when played normally are suddenly oh so decipherable when played at loud volumes. And the most requested tune was 'dutty wine' lol. if you don't know, i suggest you youtube it...  So after the little party was the big people's party and i ate soooo much, had the best chicken foot soup ever, never knew pumpkin in soup could taste so gd, and i had missed the chewiness of dumplings. And that was followed by curry chicken with rice and home made coleslaw and of course 'black' cake. Its funny when i was younger i didn't really like black cake- called that cos its dark, its a bit like christmas pudding as opposed to white cake which is traditional sponge cake. Ahhh don't say that i don't continue to educate you all about black culture innit though lol. But yeh i saw alot of family members who congratulated me on finishing my masters, being a positive black, female role model , i seem to be getting alot of this type of praise recently, and although i go on about my working class origins etc i'm quite shy when other ppl are so praising of my achievement. I guess i'll feel proud when i graduate in december. I should be getting my results next month- fooking hell! Fingers crossed ppl!

 

I think one of the proudest moments in my life was graduating from Durham. The thing with going through the education system and studying subjects such as sociology, criminology and social policy is that you constantly are bombarded with statistics and theories about poverty, single parent families, who's most likely to not achieve, who's most likely to go to jail, why single parent families are so bad, why living on a council estate is so bad, middle class general superiority etc etc i think you get my point and knowing all that there was so much against you and then coming out the otherside, graduating with people who have all the advantages that life can give and with the same level of degree, you can't help but feel proud of yourself. And i can't wait to graduate again, cos nothing beats that feeling of having achieved something worthwhile, against the odds.

 

I very recently felt proud of myself, i went to see Maximo Park on friday night, by myself. Now some ppl may say this is nothing massive but for me, to go to Brixton Academy and see my 1st band, alone, was pretty amazing. I was well nervous outside, i couldn't rid of my spare ticket as some of you know, i was speaking to my mum on the phone and the closer i got to going inside, the more swearing peppered my speech lol. Anyway some background to Maximo Park, i got into them recently, along with artic monkeys lol, me the garage dj LOL but its all gd, but yeh i had a few tracks downloaded and in my emotional turmoil, i started listening to them and i identified with the lyrics so much, it was like this guy was singing about my life or me. Here was someone that understood. And they are from the north east and i have a soft spot for northerners after spending some of the best times of my life in the north. And the more i listened, the more i liked. I got the album and it was lurvvve sweet reader lol. So i'm wasting time at work, when i realise they are playing at brixton, i hum and har but on the way home go past a hospice and ask myself 'if i was to die tomorrow, would i go and see this band alone?'. And the answer was yes. So i bought my tickets from ebay and off i went to brixton in my new outfit, which my dad sweetly called retro. ahhhh.

 

But i arrived and went upstairs, found a spot to sit and saw the second last warm up band, i sat smoking my menthols and swigging evian while i waited for my soul to be re-delivered. And it was. For and hour and a half, i sang and danced inside, being in the third row of the circle meant we weren't allowed to stand, it was the 1st time i'd ever had to sit so still when all i wanted to do was dance. I did get some dancing in but was told to sit down several times lol by the guards. I literally sang my heart out, i had lost my voice a little at the end. Can you imagine me there???? Well i was, punching my fist in the air to Limassol, had fingers in the air to The night i lost my head, felt sad with Going Missing and Nosebleed and wriggled around, tapped my feet energetically, drummed my hands on my thighs as all of the album was played, clapped and screamed and in all had a brilliant time. It was over too soon, i felt gutted when it was over. For that time, i completely immersed myself in the music and forgot everything else, well in there it didn't matter. Paul Smith was singing to me and he had felt the same thing. Before i forget, apparently johnny from razorlight is very fond of a certain ensembel of skinny white jeans and white t-shirt. Well this all white thing must be catching cos paul smith was wearing skinny white jeans, tight white shirt, white winkle pickers, a pink tie and a grey pork pie hat. I reckon the tunes Nosebleed and By the monument will not disappoint, however i still am not sure about A Fortnight's time... But in all a great time was had, i did it alone most importantly  and now i have to immerse myself in the We are scientists album in preparation for next month's gig. Fave tune at the moment- settle for a draw, artic monkeys. My workplace gave me some hmv vouchers when i left so the albums i'm thinking of buying are Amy Winehouse, Jarvis Cocker, The Cribs and maybe Razorlight, the latter i'm not too sure about tbh though i am in love with johnny after seeing him perform america, blue eyes and dark hair always does it for me lol .

I dream of smashing things. Well i did last night. I walk down the road and i want to crush my umbrella against the wall. I'm tempted to punch something but i remember the last time i did that- it hurt and i have to type at work anyway. So its a impotent rage. I think i am too worn out to truly get angry or maybe i've already been angry about being used as a pawn in yr fucked up relationship or maybe i know there's no point being angry at you. Fuck knows. I have been duped, fooled, whatever. There's this feeling of resignation almost, we're always fooled by love, Cupid works his magic and you'd believe and see anything. Pssshhhh.

 

Anyway, onto the real reason i'm here. You know me, everything in excess, that's me. And fuelled by anger, vitrol, alchol, insomnia and drugs, i sought to wear myself out completely. Friday, i met with Mynn and we went to Fabric, can you believe that i raved from like 10.30/11 til 5am to drum and bass lol I can hardly believe it myself. I donned my skinny jeans, mambo t and went in search of oblivion. And joined the masses in doing so. 500 drugged up/ alcohol fuelled head all searching for the same thing, escape. We all want to be anywhere except here. Met some unusual ppl, the usual hotties, the boys you wish you could talk to but don't, sent the usual drunken text msgs to the ex, he didnt reply tho of course he wouldn't. And drank more, smoked some more weed and danced. Danced and danced and danced. I'm not sitting at home while yr out having a gd time, not even thinking or caring about me. Got the night bus home, me and mynn are such air heads we almost got lost before reaching fabric, god knows how i remembered how to get back to the depths of east london lol. We got back and listened to some old skool jungle, smoked a few more joints and when day break came, went to sleep. I can't remember the last time i did that, it was gd that i did, reminded me i'm young.

 

The next day, me and mynn went to camden, walked around and got some food. i felt like i was being haunted by the one i called , there was so many little things to remind me of him. We met up with another friend and went to this cuban bar, where aided by the medicinal lol rum and coke, i started to feel better. the drink and the gypsy kings. it was v nice, i'd recommend it, in fact i may well go again, they do cocktails . So we went to this cool morrocan shisha bar, it had such pretty lamps, i'll put the pics up soon. After an amazing shisha of apple, we went in search of further oblivion and sat by the canal and smoked a joint. I laid on my back and looked at thE sky that covers us both and chilled. Even fucking canals remind me of you! FFS! But sitting there having a some w mates was something that i hadn't done in a while so it was nice. Then on to another pub lol, this one was playing heavy metal in the background- its a gd thing i was caned lol and then inexplicably it started playing Phil Collins lol. Head Fuck no?????????? So Mynn and Rory went home and the oblivion seeker went to Angel, met up with Sadeya and went to the Garden on Upper St, back to the old stomping grounds. We danced to some rnb but being as we both prefer garage or old skool, we headed to the churpsing mecca that is glasshouse on a saturday night. Met some more unusal ppl, i don't know what it is about me lol. But i drank so much, i drank myself sober. Now this is a rare occurence- when you drink so much or try to drink so much to get out of it, yr mind rebels for whatever reason and won't let you get drunk. Fucking self-preservation instinct! But yeh we met some guys and went to the place called Print Works in Farringdon. And again, the alcohol wouldn't work, so i abandoned searching for oblivion and went home and faced what'd i'd been running from all along....

 

That was my weekend! Sunday i was pretty knackered, i went to bed by 11- early for me no lol. I have finally started reading On Beauty, its ok, will let you know of course. And i'm out tonight looking for a place for my b'day celebrations- it'd be rude not to sample the drinks on offer lolololol. I will be emailing/ texting ppl very soon with where to meet. Wish me luck cos work is so boring without adam, i may well put my head through the screen lol. A tout l'heure mes amies et copains.